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US News & World Report’s #4 University in the Nation
If you ever doubted our intelligence, our drive, our maturity or our passion for learning - look no further. This is clearly the work of a student at one of the best universities in the world.
Kill, Fuck, Marry: Cheese. Slow Jamz Edition.
This week I have a lot of work. I am also creating the greatest article ever written for campus basement of all time in the history of the world ever. While you are waiting, please enjoy my KFM: C. Kthxbai. MORE »
Spring Break Airport Bingo!!! Git Crunk wit SBAPB!
It’s almost spring break. That means many of you are almost at the airport, about to crack open a brand new Hustler Magazine copy of the newspaper and a KING SIZED SNICKERS bottle of water. While this is a civilized way to kill time, why not make a drunken fool of yourself instead? Campus Basement... MORE »
Columbians Withhold Sex Over Obama Controversy, Barnard Women Rejoice
On Saturday, March 3rd, Lindsay Lohan debuted her new inflatable face on Saturday Night Live, scaring children, parole officers, and Aaron Samuelsez across this great nation. In equally exciting news, March 3rd brought with it the announcement that President Barack Obama will be speaking at Barnard College, the most prestigious of all female colleges barring Rupaul’s... MORE »
The Poop Scoop
Anyone with roommates knows the frustration of the A.M. Bathroom Shuffle. That smelly game of musical chairs where you want to take time for your morning ablutions, but you want to avoid the stench of the morning deuce that preceded yours. Sometimes, you lose this game. Sometimes, you have to brave the wild and lawless... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
So you’re sitting on the crapper. You’re trying to squeeze out all those Valentine’s Day candies you inhaled while watching BOTH Bridget Jones’ movies. You need a distraction. What better distraction than tales from the hood? Rappers have enticed us for years with stories of “going hard on a ho” and “sticky green” and “bling”.... MORE »
Our Boyfriends Have the Same Name
This is a belated Valentine’s Day gift. It’s not for you but you’ll probably enjoy it anyway. Happy 15th of February!!!! MORE »
New Semester Resolutions
They say you should shoot for the moon, because if you miss you’ll land among the stars. Clearly whoever said this has no concept of physics. You will obviously just bypass the moon and hurtle into the dark recesses of space until you fizzle into a fried bit of nothing when you pass a burning... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
In the realm of all things holy, there is nothing more sacred than in-taking knowledge while excreting yesterday’s John Jay omelets. But when the unlabeled caffeinated (possibly decaffeinated) coffee begins racing down your digestive tract like a decloseted freshman to First Friday, what do you do when you’ve already read that Taylor Swift Cosmo about... MORE »
The T.A.’s Dilemma
I can usually be found sleeping in a chair in the library, drooling on the oversized sweatshirt I wore with equally large sweatpants. Obviously it’s not a matching sweatsuit ““ that would be just plain tacky. If I’m not sleeping in the library I’m watching hulu and eating something with a loud, distracting wrapper next... MORE »
Welcome to Columbia’s Campus Basement!
4 years of really smart people crammed in the same 8 block radius? HILARITY ENSUES. Come here to campusbasement/columbia to read about it! Join the site and post content yourself! We can become friends here, then friends on facebook, then I can give a speech at your wedding! Thanks for stopping by, and… go Lions?... MORE »
Kill, Fuck, Marry: Cheese. Slow Jamz Edition.
This week I have a lot of work. I am also creating the greatest article ever written for campus basement of all time in the history of the world ever. While you are waiting, please enjoy my KFM: C. Kthxbai. MORE »
Studying for Finals: I don’t .gif a Sh*t
It’s time for the last adderall binge push. One more round of finals season, and my 16 years of taking tests and writing papers will be over. After 16 years of schoolwork – yes I’m including elementary school, because multiplication tables were fucking hard – I should have finals studying down to a science. Honestly,... MORE »
Multitasking in College
As a college student in the big city of New York, my life is a blur. Not because I am constantly drunk, but because I am so busy that each day never seems to slow down. With all of my Hulu watching and class skipping, how will I ever get enough minutes for dinner cooking,... MORE »
Senior Fund Gifts I Would Actually Donate To…
I’m no math major, but I’m pretty sure college is expensive. After four years of paying for alcohol food, and for drugs dorms, and for hookers books, I am pretty much done giving my hard earned bucks to this institution. Instead of understanding my grievances, the school is asking that I shell out even more... MORE »
There are not enough midgets in Europe: And other lessons I learned on my Spring Break jaunt across the Pond
I’m not normally extravagant or glamorous. I steal packets of honey from coffee shops and eat them as a “balanced meal” on a regular basis. So my decision to spend my hard-earned money on an 11 day trek through Europe surprised even me. But spend it I did. While it was my Spring Break, and... MORE »
Brackets that are Actually Worth Making
I love brackets. They are the parentheses’ ugly cousin. [They are the boxy, Khloe Kardashian to the sumptuous curves of the Kim Kardashian-like parenthesis) Want to know what bracket I’m not so keen on? The March Madness bracket. I grew up with the Lakers and the Clippers, people. I’ve seen professionals fight and whine like... MORE »