very different breed of girl, I have always admired the ‘slutty’ girls at
Halloween. While my fellow females display what is, at first glance, characteristic snappy bitchiness and
exaggerated sense of self worth and piety, I prefer to look at these girls as
showing what is superlative of the “weaker sex.” I look at these girls with their
supple, push-up bra enhanced cleavages, over made-up visages and ludicrously
exposing outfits and applaud them for succeeding where others, myself included, have failed.
Halloweens are notoriously wild and thrust a plethora of poorly prepared
college students into immediately regrettable decision making, they also expose many
others to a world they scarcely know and would love to be a part of for just
one (or two, in Bryant) night. My point is that by dressing up in attire that would be tiny on Blue Ivy Carter, these girls are in no way conforming to a sexist and demeaning world; they are exhibiting enviable character qualities that many other women should
follow. If all women emulated these epitomes of strength and discipline, women
would rule the world. Take my word for it.
First, every girl
knows that before they step out in any form of revealing clothing, a strict
regimen of dieting and exercise would need to be followed. While other judgmental
girls let their leg hair grow and their muffin tops rise in anticipation of the
body-swallowing comfort of winter gear, these girls are in the gym three hours
a day, seven days a week working their asses off”¦ literally. While “self-respecting” girls are stuffing their faces with $5 foot-longs courtesy of
our very own, ever-convenient Subway (how did you lose weight at Subway, Jared?), these “hos’ were counting their daily calorific
intake and making sure they get their daily vitamin requirements and fiber intake
to boost bowel movement. Let’s face it; the “sluts’ are probably the healthiest
girls on the Bryant campus. Their actions only show dedication, remarkable
self-control and self-discipline and an inner strength that surpasses most of
our gender. If I had the exceptional characteristics that allowed me to pursue
sluttiness, I would probably be out there strutting my stuff too.
Secondly, these girls
dress this way with full knowledge that the ever-petty members of their
gender would be judging them (even the similarly-attired; apparently,
there’s some sort of scale that differentiates levels of “sluttiness”). However, these girls put aside the opinions of others in order
to pursue their goals. If this is not an attribute worthy of note, I do not
know what is. How many women have dared to stand up for what they believe in? (No, seriously, I’m asking. I didn’t feel like doing the research.) Every second that these girls essentially flip off public opinion, they are
making a statement. My body, my decision,
my life, so go screw yourself.
Finally, these girls
are evidently genetically superior to the rest of the female population. Not
only are they fucking hot (that’s the scientific term, coined by Charles Darwin in his book On the Origin of Fucking Hot Species), they also obviously do not feel the effects of
extreme climatic conditions such as freezing temperatures, snow, sleet, rain,
hail and hurricanes. And they weather these storms in heels. In my opinion,
that makes them superhuman.
So to the guys, the next time you see a scantily
dressed girl in the townhouses, tell her how truly amazing she looks (because
she probably does). Girls, same goes for you. If we stop hating each other for no apparent
reason and stop calling each other names, we can take over the world, one hottie at a time.