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10 Awesome Ways to Make Your R.A. Hate You
1. Make a drinking game out of your floor meetings. 1 sip every time the phrase ‘campus community’ is used. 2 sips and high fives all around for the word ‘respect.’ 2. Keep fish in your room. Play a recording of dogs barking loudly whenever you know your R.A. is in the hallway. If he/she... MORE »
10 Awesome Ways To Get Kicked Out of a Halloween Party
1. Dress up as a character from Mario Kart and convert a large box into a makeshift boxcar to wear. Keep bananas in makeshift boxcar. Throw a banana peel behind you as you walk. Repeat. 2. Wear a Ghost Busters costume and tackle every party guest in a ghost or monster themed costume. Demand compensation... MORE »
Football Team Starts Admitting They’re on Football Team
In a crazy twist of events this Saturday morning, the football team has begun admitting they’re on the Syracuse University football team. After their hard-earned win against the West Virginia Mountaineers Friday night, pride was at an all time high. “I used to just say I was ‘an athlete’ when people... MORE »
Student Goes to Health Services With Broken Arm; Given Gatorade, Tylenol PM
Early last Saturday morning, around 3 am to be exact, local Syracuse University Junior Ted Welby took what he describes as a “totally sober spill down some stairs.” Friends report that Ted, who was totally sober, was trying to figure out which pocket his ID card was in and eat a crunch wrap supreme... MORE »
Career Fair Employers Hire Syracuse University’s Entire Freshman Class
In what has proven to be the upset of the week, the employers at Syracuse University’s career fair have decided to go in a “different direction” this year. Resumes from experienced Juniors and Seniors could be seen burning in trash cans throughout the Carrier Dome while employers literally chased after local freshmen. “We’re... MORE »
Syracuse University Moves to NYC as Part of ACC Deal
It was discovered early Friday morning that one aspect of Syracuse University’s deal with the ACC had not been disclosed to the public yet. “Yes, it’s true.” Began a University official. “As part of our recent deal with the ACC the University will be required to move its headquarters from Syracuse to New York City.... MORE »
iSchool Bought out by Apple; Offers Classes for 99 Cents
Things are not quite what they used to be in Hinds Hall, home of Syracuse University’s iSchool. Apple inc., under new leadership, has decided to extend their brand and buy out anything and everything that bares a name similar to their products. The iSchool was not left behind. Apple states that they intend to keep... MORE »
Syracuse Leaves Big East for Onondaga County Middle School League
It was announced this weekend that Syracuse University has applied for and been accepted into the prestigious Onondaga County Middle School League for all major sports. Instead of lackluster teams such as Georgetown and UConn, Syracuse will now be facing off against national powerhouses such as Henninger Middle School and the Derek Zoolander School... MORE »