Roy Parker

November 18, 2012

USC Loss to UCLA Undeniable Proof That Californians Don’t Know How to Do Sh*t When It Rains

UCLA’s 38-28 victory over USC this Saturday marked the first time in six years that the Bruins have beaten the Trojans. During the game everyone was quick to point out USC head coach, Lane Kiffin, as the faulty party for USC’s poor performance. But the actual culprit is all the more sinister…   The. Rain.... MORE »

November 5, 2012

10 Ducks That Are Better Than the Oregon Ducks

Think all of us USC Trojans can collectively say, “F*ck the Ducks.” (The asterisk is so my mom doesn’t get mad at me.) Bringing out less than illustrious record to a disappointing 4-3 this season, I found myself really hating all and any duck-ish entities. But I took a moment and realized that even though... MORE »

October 9, 2012

What to Expect from Professor James Franco

He’s coming. It’s no joke. James Franco is going to teach a film production class for the Fall 2013 semester. What is going to happen in it? Who cares? James Franco is teaching it. And while that’s exciting and all, what really would it be like to have James Franco as a professor? If his... MORE »

September 28, 2012

My Inner-Battle about Whether to See “Pitch Perfect”

SCA’s “Outside the Box Office” film screening series is doing a sneak preview of Universal’s “Pitch Perfect” tomorrow. I have a reservation because I make a reservation for anything that I’ve actually heard of prior to looking at the website. But I cannot decide on whether I should go or not, I keep swaying back... MORE »

September 19, 2012

Film Student’s Favorite Summer Film “Battleship”; Thrown Out of Cinema School

Stephen Learner, a senior from North Carolina majoring in Film and Television Production, just thought he was having a fun conversation with his friends about the summer film canon of 2012. He was wrong. Unbeknownst to him, as soon as he uttered the phrase, “I really loved ‘Battleship.’ Easily my favorite flick of the year,”... MORE »

April 16, 2012

If The Avengers Went to College

  Loganor over at Columbia Basement wrote an article awhile back called “If Disney Princesses Went to College.”  And being a boy… I unabashedly loved it and couldn’t stop trying to figure out which princess each staggering co-ed I saw while riding my scooter home was. This then got me scared that I had all... MORE »

April 9, 2012

Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover

    After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter.   “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »

April 2, 2012

Girls Actually Poop Bunnies and Rainbows, Study Shows

Ever since the dawn of man, the question has been posed – “Do women poop just like men do?” Everybody knows that men poop. Men talk about their poop proudly. But a wave of mysticism has consistently been shrouded around whether or not women poop as well.   A group of researchers here at USC... MORE »

March 26, 2012

Final Four is Set, Basketball Responds to Coast-ist Comments

With Kansas defeating personal rival North Carolina yesterday, the Final Four of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament was complete. Along with Kansas is Ohio State, Kentucky, and Louisville. And no one on the West Coast gave a crap. When asked about the lack of teams from the West Coast in the Final Four, Chaz Chadderie,... MORE »