Nicole G

April 12, 2012

No. 1 Recruit Nerlens Noel Chooses Kentucky, Orange Fans Blame Fab Melo

Nerlens Noel, rated the number one recruit in the Class of 2012, announced today that he will play NCAA basketball at the University of Kentucky. After narrowing his list of schools to Syracuse, Kentucky, and Georgetown, he committed to the reigning national champions. Orange fans, furious about how the events transpired, were determined to play... MORE »

April 4, 2012

Student reveals he is going home this weekend just to have sex

Watson Hall Quad 407 is buzzing with excitement. Three of its residents are going home this weekend to celebrate an important religious holiday: Drew Collins is headed back for Easter. Ben Schwartz and Mark Allen for Passover. However, its fourth resident, Jack Turney, is going home for a more important reason. “I’m going home to... MORE »

March 22, 2012

Junior Gets Heat Stroke After All His Classes Were Held on Quad

Junior Gary Fisher was carried off the quad today by ambulance after showing symptoms of heat stroke, dehydration and first degree sunburn. The ETS major was in the sun all day after all of his classes were moved outside. His roommate, Arthur Shaw, said that at Fisher’s first class of the day, the professor polled... MORE »

March 17, 2012

How to Hide Pit Stains in Class

After our nearly 70 degree sunny day in Syracuse, it is safe to say that spring is on its way. For the average Cuse Student, this is quite a change of pace. We now have a whole new slew of weather-related issues to worry about. Especially one phenomenon we’ve always been able to avoid: the... MORE »

February 29, 2012

Seven Foolproof Ways to Celebrate Leap Day

Leap Day. It comes once every 4 years, and there’s not really a celebration that comes with it (although 30 Rock believes otherwise). It’s great if your birthday lands on February 29th, but for everyone else, it’s just an extra day of work and school. But as college students, it’s our job to celebrate the... MORE »

February 22, 2012

Freshman Buys Enough Underwear to Last Until Spring Break

Brewster Hall was in a state of emergency yesterday when undeclared freshman Bobby Hughes was rushed to BJ’s Wholesale Club for underwear. The native of Outsideofphilly, PA somehow never learned how to do laundry. Floormates believe it was the consequence of having a girlfriend still in high school. Last semester, Hughes went home twice before... MORE »

February 15, 2012

Karl Rove Visits SU Solely To Clarify That He Is Not Bernie Fine

For weeks, students and members of the Syracuse community have wondered why Karl Rove was coming to speak at Syracuse University. Finally after much patience, Rove entered Goldstein Auditorium today to address the one thing he has been kept hidden for years. “Hello Syracuse University. I am speaking today to inform you all”¦I am not... MORE »

February 5, 2012

Things to Do on Super Bowl Sunday

Low on plans on today? Here are 7 parties we know will be happening so you can celebrate this year’s most watched television event. The Frat: A guaranteed sausagefest with three bros playing a half-hearted game of beer pong. By the time you arrive, all the wings and chips will be gone. Bring a spoon... MORE »

January 25, 2012

Syracuse University-themed Pick Up Lines

Some of us have not matured since fifth grade health class. Some of us still giggle at the word “vagina.” Some of us will sprint to a window when told kids on the other side of your dorm are doing it. Some of us are proud to inform you that, from above, Day Hall looks... MORE »