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April 24, 2012

Peace Corps in no way associated with Meta World Peace

After Lakers forward Meta World Peace was ejected from Sunday’s game against Oklahoma City for elbowing James Harden in the face, the United States Peace Corps released a statement assuring people that the two groups were in no way associated despite name confusion. The incident occurred after Peace was trying to pump up the crowd... MORE »

April 10, 2012

Davis, Griner to go first and second overall in NBA draft

With most people projecting that the Charlotte Bobcats will select Kentucky forward Anthony Davis in this year’s NBA draft, all eyes have now turned to the number two overall pick. Although the lottery has not taken place yet, many believe that the pick will be awarded to the Washington Wizards. With his selection, owner Ted... MORE »

April 3, 2012

April Fools: Mark Zuckerberg wins lottery

Last week, the Mega Millions jackpot hit a record high, reaching $640 million. Over the weekend, it appeared that the pot would be split between three winners from across the country. Few rejoiced and millions were left saddened that they went home empty-handed for the thousandth time. However, it was recently uncovered that there was... MORE »

March 27, 2012

Strip club visit ensures Tiger’s victory

For the first time in 924 days, Tiger Woods won a PGA Tour event. The victory took place at the Arnold Palmer Invitational in Tiger’s hometown of Orlando, where he finished 13 under par. This unfolded just days after Woods was spotted at a local strip club for the first time since his sex scandal... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Boba Fett reportedly contacted by Saints

The National Football League’s ongoing investigation of the New Orleans Saints’ bounty program has discovered that infamous bounty hunter, Boba Fett, was contacted multiple times by head coach Sean Peyton. Under the dubious program, not enough players were being injured at the hands of the Saints, which upset the coaching staff. While the signing of... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Police Segway use inspires criminal Segway use

Columbia Police released a report Sunday revealing a massive spike in Segway use by a new criminal gang over the past two years. The bi-wheeled bandits have ravaged the city’s streets for a little over 26 months, waging war on the men in blue, themselves motoring about upon Segways. The gang has brought a level... MORE »

February 27, 2012

Mizzou softball blows out Royals

For the third consecutive season, the University of Missouri softball team blew past the Kansas City Royals, this time by a 9-2 margin. The game was held at Kansas City’s Kauffman Stadium, where a makeshift outfield wall was constructed to bring the distance down from 415 ft. to 225 ft. in order to accommodate the... MORE »

February 20, 2012

Donald Trump demands to see Jeremy Lin’s birth certificate

New York Knicks standout Jeremy Lin has taken the National Basketball Association by storm, with the Knicks winning 7 of the 8 games the young point guard has started in. Lin has created a buzz worldwide, as people continue to praise the Harvard graduate. Sources suggest that an Asian American hasn’t made this much noise... MORE »

February 13, 2012

California’s 9th Circuit rules that Prop 8 is still pretty gay

Much to presidential hopeful Rick Santorum’s dismay, California’s 9th Circuit ruled that the infamous Proposition 8, which would ban gay marriage in California, was deemed unconstitutional. In response, Santorum used words like “absurd” and “judicial tyranny.” He also vowed that he would fight to overturn the ruling should he be elected president. “It’s hard to... MORE »