Jared Martin

January 20, 2012

Shit To Read Whilst Shitting: A Series

PART DEUX: SHIT GETS LITERARY The bathroom is a dirty place. Not just in the “you-live-with-three-girls-so-there-is-a-troll-head-of-hair-growing-from-the-drain” kind of way, but also in the “have-sex-hanging-from-the-shower-curtain-rod” kind of way. Taking both of these into consideration, I have found the latest inSTALLment of STRWSAS: Sea Oak by George Saunders. Now I know what some of you may be... MORE »

December 7, 2011

Columbia is No Place for Boobies: A Homospective in Three Movements

MOVEMENT ONE: STEREOTYPES AT GAY SHUL Like a kugel stained Jew at a Catholic Communion, I am no stranger to being the minority. And while I enjoy seeing the paper wafers of the other side, there is nothing like returning to a place where your minority is the majority, a little bungalow I’d like to... MORE »

December 7, 2011

Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series

In the realm of all things holy, there is nothing more sacred than in-taking knowledge while excreting yesterday’s John Jay omelets. But when the unlabeled caffeinated (possibly decaffeinated) coffee begins racing down your digestive tract like a decloseted freshman to First Friday, what do you do when you’ve already read that Taylor Swift Cosmo about... MORE »

December 6, 2011

The New BFF: Butler’s Fourth Floor

There are some things one should expect upon entering Butler Library: books, overpriced brownies, the occasional lesbian librarian, stack elevators covered in green tea and semen. But there is one thing that one would not expect, yet lives and breeds in the library’s halls like Lindsay Lohan’s herpes: the BOdorous stench of the fourth floor.... MORE »