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Ian Arnold

November 14, 2011

Best Bushes To Piss On After Drinking

   Pissing in public whilst moderately intoxicated is nothing new. The body has a high level of urgency when removing potentially excessive amounts of alcohol. Combined with the fear of public scrutiny should one’s bladder evacuate prematurely in a public forum. Results include, but are not limited to, urinating on the sides of buildings and... MORE »

November 11, 2011

MU Greek GPA’s Plummet Due to Adderall Shortage

   Three things and three things alone dictate the survival of the residents in greek town; sex, adderall and beer.     With finals threatening to surface in a month, frequent trips to gas stations all around Columbia have become a must in order to stock up on Natural Light. Wall’s of shame have transformed into... MORE »

November 7, 2011

Poetic Ode to the D-Bag In Lecture

To the shmuck in the front row,  Always questioning or conversing with the professor,  And supplying more than a “yes” or “no” answer.  To the wannabe professor’s pet,  This, right here, is what’s called a general education course.  Meaning, it does nothing more than fulfill a pointless need. To the jagoff front and left-center,  No... MORE »

October 27, 2011

What The Fuck Mizzou: Stupidity and Genital Whacking

Whether our impending move to the SEC or the upcoming rapture has anything to do with several sequences of events recently incorporating stupidity and religious expression, we’ll never know. The point of the matter; this campus seems to have caught apocalyptic-street-corner-sign syndrome and a fiery case of poor judgment.  “You’re Gonna Catch the Crabs!” Anyone... MORE »