September 23, 2012

Student Finds God In 45 Minute Sexile

Early saturday morning, Freshman Silas Fischler was abruptly sexiled from his dorm room by his over eager roommate who was just returning from his first college party. Fischler was rushed out of his living quarters due to his roommates uncertainty about how long the girl he brought home would be able to sustain consciousness. Never... MORE »

September 16, 2012

Girls Attracted to Advisors for Being Huge Waste of Time

Recent studies have shown that College age girls all across the country are finding themselves to be attracted to their academic advisors. Rebecca Donaldson, Sophomore majoring in Psychology, said she noticed the trend when she found it happening to her personally. Donaldson said, “I’ve never really been attracted to older men. I’ve always been more... MORE »

April 23, 2012

Student’s First Boy-Girl Sleepover Spoiled By Homesickness

Freshman couple, Suzzie Cooper and Matt Stevens, had been planning their first boy-girl sleepover, a first for both parties, for weeks. Plans were made to spend the night at Suzzie’s since she had an apartment and her roommate seems to mysteriously disappear between 10pm on Friday and noon on Sunday every weekend. Plans began to... MORE »

April 16, 2012 1 Comment

Matt Barkley Stays at SC Another Year To Fulfill Dreams of Being a DJ

As we’ve all learned from that scene in the Nickelodeon movie Clockstoppers, and the entirety of The Replacements with Keanu Reeves, winning a DJ competition requires supernatural feats of speed and dread locks while becoming an NFL quarterback simply requires minimal talent, a complicated emerging love interest, and a lovable band of misfits. According to... MORE »

April 9, 2012

“Expert’s Research” Reveals Key to Guaranteed Hookups

We’ve all had hook ups, (or at least now we’re all in agreement that I’m cool enough to have had them) but recent studies tell us these hookups commence for reasons outside of what conventional wisdom, and common sense, would have us believe. According to research conducted by young men all across the country, being... MORE »