gpsmonkey

December 20, 2011

Bryant Plans to Hire Rod Blagojevich in 2026

Former Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, was sentenced to fourteen years in federal prison several weeks ago on charges of mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery while in office. Yesterday, Bryant announced that Blagojevich will be added as one of the university’s newest faculty members “immediately following his departure” from prison. As a... MORE »

December 18, 2011

STUDY: Stress of Final’s Week Distorts Student Perception of Bad Food

If you are a student at Bryant, you know that finals week occupies 99% of your grade during 1% of the semester. Accordingly, you have focused all of your time and effort to not failing any of your courses. What you have missed is obvious miscues from several branches on campus. We have highlighted just... MORE »

November 27, 2011

Students Rave About Trojan Brand’s “Bear” Skin Condoms

Trojan Brand Condoms’ newest product launch, the Trojan BareSkin condoms, has been one of this year’s hottest new items in premarital pregnancy prevention. The new product claims to be 40% thinner than the leading brand and made of traditional latex materials. One of the largest misconceptions (no pun intended) of the new Trojan BareSkin condoms... MORE »

November 17, 2011

Joseph Stalin circa 1934

See “Thesis: Mario Kart as an Emulation of Marxist ‘Communist Manifesto’” in Articles MORE »

November 17, 2011

Thesis: Mario Kart as an Emulation of Marxist ‘Communist Manifesto’

Senior Sociology Majors Mario DiGiorgi and Daisy Jepsen teamed together to reveal a stunning discovery in a popular video game. The dynamic duo presented a riveting thesis that drew expansive lines which concluded that the new Mario Kart game for the Nintendo Wii is a thinly veiled mask for the Marxist Communist Manifesto. The following is... MORE »

November 10, 2011

“New” Bryant Center Reportedly to Become Hogwarts Replica

  Reports of a “new” Bryant Center have been the talk of the Bryant University campus for the past couple of weeks. Since its resurrection in the mid-1980s, the Bryant Center has had little to no renovations to keep up with the rest of Bryant’s more modern appearance. Outdated furniture, limited office space, unsatisfactory dining... MORE »