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January 31, 2012

Skorton Credits First Born’s Blood Sacrifice for Warm Weather

ITHACA, NY-When Cornell University President David Skorton announced last month that he was going to sacrifice his first born child in an effort to snatch the NYC tech bid, Cornellian’s were quite skeptical.  It seems as though Skorton has proved countless students wrong in not only earning the tech bid, but also in ensuring pleasurable weather for... MORE »

January 23, 2012

#RushWeek2012

Disclaimer: The frat you join in no way reflects your sexual orientation. Unless you’re a GDI in which case you are most definitely “a gay.” MORE »

January 5, 2012

Bottom 5 Worst Places To Vacation (Cornell)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! 1. Jerry Sandusky’s Most Frequented Playground Hitting up the playground with your 4th grade bros during school vacation is the best. But nothing sucks more than... MORE »

December 30, 2011

Our New Year’s Resolutions 2012 (Cornell)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite!Having reflected upon the past year we here at Cornell Campus Basement have realized we’ve done some really bad things. Like, we’ve made really some awful decisions. ... MORE »

December 18, 2011

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ’s Patronage of Tim Tebow to be “Inefficient” and “Not conducive to solving legitimate world problems.”

Ithaca NY””Economists working in Cornell’s Policy Analysis Lab have recently discovered several flaws in Jesus Christ’s social policies. The economists, studying everything from theological infrastructures to econometrics, published a journal article last Monday noting discrepancies between Jesus Christ’s “plans for all creatures on earth” and football.  The team learned that Jesus invested too much of... MORE »

November 8, 2011

Ithaca Is Broken

Somebody forgot to turn the cold back on. MORE »