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February 6, 2013

Top Ten Pop Culture Predictions of 2013

1. Kim Kardashian gives birth on live television, baby Kimye eats its way out of Kim’s uterus Twilight-style. Kris Jenner promptly sells the newborn’s life rights to E!. 2. Anne Hathaway punches Best Actress winner Jessica Chastain at the Oscars: “I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR THIS.” 3. Leonardo DiCaprio decides to move to daytime television... MORE »

January 17, 2013

Gay men everywhere speak out in support of Manti Te’o: ‘We’ve all been there.”

Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o has recently come under fire since it was discovered that his late girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, never actually existed. In spite of the allegations and subsequent media frenzy, one group has surprisingly and publicly come out in support of Te’o: the gay community. “So what, he made up his girlfriend? That... MORE »

December 28, 2012

The Story of Syllabus Week

Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »

November 29, 2012

MU Basketball Players Actually Monstars

Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »

November 9, 2012

Romney Retaliates: GOP candidate buys Canada, leads supporters to the Promise Land

After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »

November 2, 2012

Jones Hall Brothel Busted

Four individuals were arrested late Tuesday evening in conjunction with the bust of a brothel run out of Jones Residence Hall. The four, all Resident Assistants, were arrested and taken into custody after an undercover operation successfully infiltrated the establishment and discovered the Jones Hall Brothel, an operation feautring blocs of rooms on every floor... MORE »

October 12, 2012

MU Bookstore now accepting Confederate money

The University of Missouri has only very recently become a part of the SEC, but  southern hospitality as already taken hold of the campus. For this weekend only, in honor of MU’s first game against the University of Alabama as a fellow SEC team, the MU Bookstore and Student Union will be accepting Confederate money.... MORE »

October 1, 2012

MU Introduces Jersey Chasing as Newest Club Sport

Carefully checking her makeup using the selfie-mode of her iPhone 4s, Mary hides behind a trash can, lying in wait for the moment when Freshmen tight end Jack (whose name has been changed for his own personal safety) leaves his room, at which point she will pop up and accidentally bump into him, thus striking... MORE »